Here are some of the not-too-easy-on-the-ear sounds I produce:
- Melodious, drawn-out yawning. I’m afraid I can’t find the right syllables to describe this in writing, but those who make yawning into a symphony of sounds know what I mean. My parents did this as they got older. Now it’s my turn.
- Loud, resonant burps. (I am again being polite. Let’s call them what they really are: big belches.) I try to be discreet about this in public, but it’s obvious that I don’t consider my husband public. He can return the favor, and together we could put on a musical. It could be traced to the fact that we’re eating healthier—broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, beets, hummus… This could lead me to another noise caused by aforementioned foods, but I refuse to go there.
- Creaking and popping joints. It’s hard to move these days without some clicking or popping noise coming from one of my limbs. I guess I have to be grateful at this point that I still have my own joints and haven’t had to have any replaced (knock on wood). I also recently discovered that when I turn my head from side to side, it sounds like my neck is filled with gravel. Heaven only knows what’s going on in there, and I’d rather not know.
- Muttering to myself while trying to solve a crossword puzzle. With my husband nearby muttering, “That’s not right!” while he’s working on a Sudoku, I don’t feel so odd saying, “That doesn’t fit!” at the same time. This wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t also make these sounds when I’m alone.
- Uttering “uhmmmmm” (which comes out as a whiny humming sound) while typing this post. I just noticed myself doing this, and I know I do it often. Noises just escape from my throat involuntarily. This can be the vocal version of the sigh, but I might also label it a closed-mouth kvetch.